Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
