you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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