the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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