I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
