I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
