How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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