Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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