I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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