just come out here and I will go home with you...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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