My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
