Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Two words: blizzard sex
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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