She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
