remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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