which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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