You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
