I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who died my cat blue again?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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