College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize