i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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