how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
