Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize