I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm both gender and math confused
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
