can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
