i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
