Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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