Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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