His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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