garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
