She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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