That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
