She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
