So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
