So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
