Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
