I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
