Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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