im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I look excited, but its just a facade.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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