Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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