6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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