yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
