I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
