just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
