On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
