why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
