No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just pee around me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
