I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I understand Curling. That high.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
