so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
