I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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