morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
