I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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