Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
