U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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