What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
