i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
third nipple confirmed
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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