Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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