I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
