I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
