i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
