I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
