The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
