he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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