I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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