Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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