He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
