i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
