I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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