try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
