This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
