I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
