my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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